Scars Are Beautiful

With Christ, We are God’s masterpiece.

Well, I know for a fact that I was not much of a masterpiece before Christ and even in Christ sometimes it is really hard to feel like I am a masterpiece.

Ok, that makes me feel a little bit better but that sounds like the masterpiece will be complete when I am dead not so much now.

The hardest lesson I learned after giving my life to Christ took about 2 weeks. The spiritual high wore off and life happened. Spiritual high, over!

In my 2 weeks of the euphoric bliss of knowing I am going to heaven and thinking I would live in a protective bubble created by none other than the Holy Spirit, I thought life would be easy. What I did not know was that Satan would work even harder to knock me back down.

In the 2 weeks of bliss, I forgot about the hell I lived in before Him, the self-hating and abuse. I forgot about how I could not look in the mirror and “fake it till I made it”. I was disgusted at what I had become and I had worked at it a lifetime.

I lived with horrible insecurities the majority of my life. I knew I was different and I thought that was a bad thing. I wanted to fit in like everyone else did but in all honesty, I knew I didn’t and wouldn’t if I was to be my authentic self.

The desire to fit in, to be liked, to be cool and get invited to the birthday parties, have the hot girlfriend and to appear to “have it all” only drove me to madness and into a darker self-hating hole. Believe it or not, this lasted until I was 36 years old and even now, knowing Christ, a new breed of insecurities have struck me.

This week’s Life Church sermon was titled, Scars To Your Beautiful. You know the song right?

[We] just want to be beautiful
[We] go unnoticed, [we] know no limits
[We] crave attention, [we] praise an image
[We] pray to be sculpted by the sculptor
Oh, [we] don’t see the light that’s shining
Deeper than the eyes can find it
Maybe we have made [ourselves] blind
So [we] try to cover up [our] pain and cut [our]woes away
’Cause cover girls don’t cry after their face is made

[You] don’t see [you’re] perfect,
[You] don’t understand [you’re] worth it
Or that beauty goes deeper than the surface
So to all the [people] that [are] hurting
Let [Christ] be your mirror, help you see a little bit clearer
The light that shines within
There’s a hope that’s waiting for you in the dark
You should know you’re beautiful just the way you are

I am writing this blog in a bad place mentally. I wanted to bail on my commitment to writing because as we speak, my insecurities are attacking me and I am looking into a future that is unknown and full of uncertainty.

It is hard to remind myself of all I have to be thankful for and just how blessed I am. I know I am, I just cannot think clearly enough to see it or connect to the Holy Spirit to get me out of this momentary, all day feeling of blah!

A case of the Monday’s I presume.

Of course, I do not believe in the Monday blues and I know that this is part of the battle I live with struggles I have mentally. Whatever the accurate diagnosis for me is, I hate it and in this moment, I am believing the voice of doubt and not my Father in heaven’s voice.

These are the moments that other followers will say to “get in the Word”. So, here is God’s word.

GOD LOVES YOU DEEPLY. (Romans 5:8)
GOD VALUES YOU HIGHLY. (1 John 3:1–2)
GOD PROVIDES FOR YOU FULLY. (Philippians 4:19)
GOD PLANNED YOU CAREFULLY. (Ephesians 1:3–5)

Funny. It took getting through this entire blog, writing those very words of scripture to finally laugh at myself, smile and believe everything is going to be ok. I believe in the word of God, and I believe in His promises.

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